Saturday, January 10, 2009

One liners..

One line quotes on the French:

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --- General George S. Patton

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." --- Regis Philbin

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." ---John McCain, U.S. Senator

"I don't know why people were surprised that France wouldn't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!" ---Jay Leno

"The last time the French asked for more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." --David Letterman

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Supervised Chinese Food

A rabbi was walking home from the Temple and saw one of his good
friends, a pious and learned man who could usually beat the rabbi in an

The rabbi started walking faster so that he could catch up to his
friend, when he was horrified to see his friend go into a Chinese
restaurant (not a kosher one).

Standing at the door, he observed his friend talking to a waiter and
gesturing at a menu. A short time later, the waiter reappeared carrying
a platter full of spare ribs, shrimp in lobster sauce, crab rangoon,
and other treif (non-kosher food) that the rabbi could not bear to
think about.

As his friend picked up the chopsticks and began to eat this food, the
rabbi burst into the restaurant and reproached his friend, for he could
take it no longer. "Morris, what is this you are doing? I saw you come
into this restaurant, order this filth and now you are eating it in
violation of everything we are taught about the dietary laws, and with
an apparent enjoyment that does not befit your pious reputation!"

Morris replied, "Rabbi, did you see me enter this restaurant?" The
rabbi nods yes.

"Did you see me order this meal?" Again he nods yes.

"Did you see the waiter bring me this food?" Again he nods yes.

"And did you see me eat it?" Nods yes.

"Then, rabbi, I don't see the problem here. The entire thing was done
under rabbinical supervision!"